EVERYTHING IS PERMISSIBLE… but not everything is beneficial

Not Permissible: The promiscuous lifestyle

There’s a tongue-in-cheek saying one of my theology professors used to suggest to us: “Don’t have sex standing up–it may lead to dancing!” It’s a comical statement meant to shine light on a trend among many Christians: believers seem to be more accepting and forgiving of those involved in fornication (premarital sex) and adultery (extramarital sex) than of those who like to ‘shake their groove thang’ (whatever a ‘groove thang’ is).

No matter your view on the “righteousness (or lack thereof) of dancing”, Scripture is clear that any kind of sex other than with your husband/wife whom you’re married to is forbidden. There is NO place for it in the life of a follower of Christ. Just read these few examples:

Exodus 20:14–
You shall not commit adultery.

Mark 7:21, 23–
For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries… All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10–
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

Hebrews 13:4–
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Scripture is clear that a sexually promiscuous lifestyle is detriment to a healthy spiritual life, and goes so far as to suggest one should check their heart because they may have fallen from the family of God (or were never in it, for you Calvinists out there).

It is my hope all of this goes without saying, and you all replied with a resounding DUH! as you read this. But having a sinful nature myself, I know no one is immune, no matter what influence your parents were to you.

There is no place for sex in a dating relationship! And it is the goal of this website and discussion to determine where the “line” is that should not be crossed.

Question: How far is too far when it comes to intimate relations with your boy/girlfriend? Where’s the line?

(Read more at everythingispermissible.wordpress.com.)

4 Comments so far
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You raise a very interesting question, Trevor–and I’ll be honest, in that my feelings as an adult, about what I feel are appropriate boundaries are VERY different from what I felt as a teen!

As a teen…I had a sort of vague idea that “above the waist, over the clothes” was okay–but NOTHING ELSE…although I couldn’t imagine even getting CLOSE to anything below the neck. (Yeah, okay, so I was rather naive! ;))

By the time I’d hit my 30’s though, my thoughts on that had changed to the point where I wouldn’t really be comfortable with anything other than pretty chaste kissing, hand holding and hugging and cuddling–no groping at all, and let’s keep our tongue out of things as much as possible because…let’s face it…when you REALLY like someone, it doesn’t take long for that to get your motor running. 😉

Would I tell someone anything else was “not allowed”? Nope. That’s between them and God. The Scriptures are pretty clear on the sex part, and different types of sex are still sex–you can tell, because we use “sex” as part of the way we describe them. 😉 For the rest–let’s just say that we’re reminded that we’re not to lead others into temptation…and that anyone who causes someone else to sin (and one can sin in their heart, as well as in act!) is better off drowning…so…for myself, I don’t see how I can justify a long makeout session, just because I didn’t “do the dirty”. I’m *pretty* sure I’m flirting with temptation myself, and I’m *pretty* sure that I’m tempting the guy I’m making out with…so…well, that makes it pretty black and white for me. 🙂

And despite the advice of my worldlier friends, the people I know who followed similar guidelines up until they were married have very happy, fulfilling marriages. 🙂

(Ahem. And for those who think it’s easier to feel that way when you’re older…well, it ain’t. It doesn’t get any easier with age…although practicing avoiding temptation IS easier, the more you do it. :))

Comment by Aurora

I love what you’re saying Aurora. The suggestion that a long make out session could be leading someone to temptation and sin, and that this is sin in and of itself, is a great take on the subject. This is the direction that I want to take the discussion on this website. These are the concerns that I have when I think about what couples perhaps regularly practice when dating. They’re considered common and acceptable, but such close quarters don’t mash well with what I see in scripture whenever temptation, sexual sin, and purity is mentioned in the Bible.

It’s more than a physical issue. It’s a heart issue, and that’s what needs to be examined. Thanks Aurora. … and I don’t discount your thoughts at all being more mature. If anything, we need to learn from your experience.

Comment by Trevor

I agree with you completely. I think you could stand to be a little more explicit about this stuff. A lot of people think things like oral sex are fine because it’s not real sex. But I think the Bible is clear subsuming all types of sex under His command of not having sex pre-maritally. Every couple needs to have a relationship talk preferably earlier in the relationship than later about where they feel the line is about other issues like kissing, but anything involving the word sex is reserved for after the wedding.

Comment by Aaron Bala

Absolutely! It’s my intention to be much more… definitive regarding these issues, and especially regarding boundaries in a relationship.

So I guess you would draw the line at doing anything that could be termed a type of “sex”, as you say, such as oral (à la Clinton). What lines would you draw, or what kind of conversation would you say you should have regarding kissing and so on?

Comment by Trevor

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